From Where I Sit: September

Here’s this week’s reflection. I hope it resonates with you and ask that, if you enjoyed, please comment and share on your social media. Heartfelt thanks for all your support!

Keeping the light on for you,

Carol

Blazing goldenrod waves me toward a favorite lakeside viewing bench. Grasses and wildflowers sport comforting familiar cloaks of gold, mauve, caramel, and crimson as early morning sunshine warms a crystal blue sky, and dew still catches a ride on my boots. The all too familiar mosquito buzzes about, hoping for one last blood draw. It’s the season of conundrum: do we surrender to autumn or continue our (loosening) grasp on summer’s last rites?

I respect swing seasons, how their tension and release mirrors human life. Mother Nature is an artful teacher, lilting us like leaves toward reflection and introspection should we choose to heed her. Here by the lake’s edge, the clarity of cool water has replaced the murk of warmer, plant-laden beds teeming with easy catches. Fish are still biting, albeit further out in deeper areas. They too know change is in the air. A few fisherman linger, their skiffs now toward the lake’s center. The occasional pontoon cruiser chugs its final way around, enjoying the calm water and lingering sunshine as lake cabins begrudgingly begin dormancy, and dock skeletons crawl from water to lawn. 

October’s innate chill is surely on the horizon; its fickle finger wags as omen, points at my heart and the chilling thoughts rustling in my mind.

From where I sit, I process. This particular season offers the joy of discovery (retirement and travel) tempered by a veil of uncertainty that weighs heavily on my frame. A tug-of-war between love and loss. A seismic battle between reality and irrational will. Collateral damage. New chapters. Impending disaster. Heartbreak. Betrayal. A dark novel with a grotesque ending. Yet also bravery, fortitude, the fanning into flame of one’s voice. It’s all here in the chasm of my thoughts, with kaleidoscopic golden sparks illuminating truth, perspective and strength. This autumn shoulders a vibrantly florid chapter for some, and inescapable darkness for others. The hard realization that, despite a lifetime of love, some are incapable of life’s ever-present tenet: change.

Water laps in the shallows near my post. Like its flow, my thoughts rise and fall, succumbing to the lake’s rhythm. There is no stopping time or Mother Nature. My shoulders hunch then straighten. Life is constantly tipping our scales toward light or dark. I sit quietly and offer prayers of thanksgiving to my Maker, that our immediate circle is healthy, thriving. That gratitude is part and parcel of our existence regardless of what life has or will toss our way. That boundaries are not only necessary but healthy. That sometimes unrelenting hope doesn’t lead to fruition. And when we finally decide to unburden ourselves from things that ultimately refuse to adapt, a higher order than we mere mortals, thankfully, is in control and has a plan.

From where I sit, as trees gently release leaves, slowly at first then with fervor in coming weeks, I too begin my release – of intense anger, disgust, frustration, and extreme sadness. I am no one’s keeper, and for that I am immensely grateful. Hope has severely stumbled but has not fully dissipated, yet trust has been irreparably violated. 

Families will endure collateral damage and grow stronger in the process. As we shoulder loss together, our remaining branches further entwine; a thicket of love replacing a ragged hedge. 

From where I sit, I will continue to watch leaves swirl, listen to the farewell trumpeting of sandhill cranes, touch cool currents lapping rocks, and welcome the new season, all while praying for peace. Sweet peace. Human shoulder seasons need just that – strong shoulders. So, I rally in the gorgeous flora around me, rise from my perch, and stride confidently back onto the trails. The journey continues as it must; the curtain of gray lifting, as it inevitably does with the tincture of time and “new normals.”  Throughout, my focus will be on love. Whether tough or tender, like Mother Nature, I WILL show it with reckless abandon.