What (on Earth) are We Doin’ Here?

Here’s this week’s reflection. I hope it resonates with you and ask that, if you enjoyed, please comment and share on your social media. Heartfelt thanks for all your support!

Keeping the light on for you,

Carol

A recent writing prompt suggested describing oneself without any reference to occupation. Since much of my identity has been tied to my job, facing retirement and moving away from my vocational dub has provided an enlightening mindset shift. 

In my search for personal descriptors beyond my career, I quickly defaulted to more titles: wife, mother, sister, aunt, and great-aunt – along with assigned behaviors for each. If you ask my daughters, I am simply (politely paraphrasing) a “bothersome micromanager.” While my dear husband also finds me challenging at times, thankfully, he does find a few more merits in our 33-year union.  

My efforts at self-description (even “persnickety nag”), repeatedly missed the mark. I was instructed to dig deeper, to explore, and then articulate what really defines the essence of my being. Some attributes were either modeled by my parents or expressed via their joint DNA, while others serendipitously raised a hand on their own. Nature versus nurture offers a lively debate and sometimes wild hairs spring forth, further twisting genetic arguments. I certainly found that to be true. 

What follows is a random assortment of things I have discovered through my personal archeological dig:  

1. Cheerleader – especially for those under-represented; likely stemming from a youthful stint as a pompom girl.
2. Humor-seeker – I have SIL – Syndrome of Inappropriate Laughter, and love to put the “fun” in dysFUNctional.
3. Sharing emotions freely – sometimes a blessing, often a curse, always messy.
4. Bright colors make me happy.
5. Wordplay is tremendously therapeutic.
6. Nature – I find solace in open spaces and along country roads. 
7. Candlelight makes every occasion better.
8. Injustice makes my blood boil.
9. I am a detail freak.
10. SCUBA diver –  having bravely managed a bat-s**t-crazy fear of water.
11. Gratitude – for moving my body in ways I never thought possible through triathlon.
12. Quilter – I enjoy the texture and color play of fabric.
13. Anything hygge.
14. Caregiver – to all helpless beings from goldfish to aging parents.
15. I am often a scaredy cat.
16. I am more of an introvert than I ever realized.
17. Balance – I struggle with the dichotomy that structure and order make me calm, yet life is anything but.
18. I LOVE to dance.
19. Reader – There is nothing better than a good book.
20. Hugs are important.
21. Life is short; chocolate had best be consumed first.

Peering within should have happened long ago, yet busy was my jam when I started a career and raised children. A recent pause offered a few revelations, such as just how much down time was truly necessary for my inner introvert to recharge, or the depth of satisfaction I felt in possessing courage to befriend an open sea. 

Peering within should have happened long ago, yet busy was my jam when I started a career and raised children. A recent pause offered a few revelations, such as just how much down time was truly necessary for my inner introvert to recharge, or the depth of satisfaction I felt in possessing courage to befriend an open sea. 

We are all multifaceted jewels, our occupation merely a single plane in our unique blasts of brilliance. Regardless, a difficult day or bump in the road can leave us holed up in a bat-filled cave of insecurities. Even the most well-adjusted, self-assured, and enlightened among us have dark days which cause us to question our purpose on this planet. 

Who we really are influences our life’s purpose, but many of us struggle to define or reconnect with exactly what gets us of bed every day. A recent funk sent me inward to reflect.

My college daughters sadly describe acquaintances seeking degrees that elude their true character in the name of prestige, conformity, or approval. Too many education dollars are wasted on ill-suited trajectories. Travesties that will rear their ugly heads at inopportune times. Tapping into what truly makes you tick helps guide your destiny. 

Not long ago, I watched a brief TED talk about finding life purpose (you can watch it here). Recorded nine years ago, it remains humorous, elegantly simple, and relevant.  Although I felt I had a pretty good handle on my purpose (caregiving), I found it refreshing, with questions helping to continuously distill an answer. Coupled with the writing prompt, it was a powerful tonic needed during a cloudy phase of my well-being.

In the video, Adam Leipzig presents five simple questions: 

1. Who are you? (Your name)
2. What do you love to do?
3. Who do you do it for?
4. What do those people want or need from you?
5. How do they change or transform as a result of what you give them?

If you pay attention, only two questions are about yourself; the other three are about others. Happiness comes when you are outward facing, when you help others become better. Is this not what we are here for – to help our fellow humans in some fashion?

The final portion of the talk humorously addresses your “elevator pitch” when others ask what you “do.” Having spent quite a bit of time transferring patients to and fro within hospital elevators, even visitors get what you do. On the outside, however, mixed crowds will inquire. My “pitch,” if you will, has been honed over many years: “I help people have fabulous dreams while getting through a tough day.” When pressed to elaborate, I describe one of my crowning moments: wheeling a post-operative patient to recovery, asking how they felt, and rewarded with a loud, irreverent proclamation of “THAT WAS F***ING AWESOME!” My work (and purpose) was clearly fulfilled. 

Yes, that circled back to a vocational title but, when I took the time to study myself in greater depth, it provided reassurance that yes, I have always been drawn to assisting others in various ways. Cheerleader, caregiver, humor-seeker. My job still ticked many boxes reflecting my facets. I was, thankfully, still on a fruitful trajectory.

I encourage you to sit with yourself and craft your own list. Whether you are just starting a life journey or nearing golden years, your list can chart a course more congruent with who you really are; a personal index highlighting areas ripe for personal growth.  

Know thyself. It is only when we organically converse with our depths that a purpose crystallizes, and the road ahead emerges. Whether you are 21 or 101, the challenges of adulting can be faced with grace, stability, and truth. All it requires is a commitment to start asking yourself a few basic questions.