13.1

Here’s this week’s reflection. I hope it resonates with you and ask that, if you enjoyed, please comment and share on your social media. Heartfelt thanks for all your support!

Keeping the light on for you,

Carol

I recently finished my first half-marathon, a 13.1-mile trial of discipline and perseverance. Unlike my past rollercoaster rides of inactivity followed by bursts of overachieving, this was a respectable, incremental effort of kinder steps followed by an event completed without needing four day’s rest. I will, however, admit to experiencing a migraine requiring meds and a nap later the same afternoon. And, yes, according to the data from my fitness tracker, I still overachieved, but far less than the usual gross negligence of my physical wellbeing. I still have work to do. Fitness is a process and the discipline required to stay fit never ends. So, how do I persevere? Baby steps.

I would love to say that training rationally has come easy for me but it has taken years for me to see the errors of my ways. 

I have discussed past predilections for self-abuse in the name of fitness in posts such as The Courage To Continue. We perfectionists need time to buy into the fact that feeling poorly is NOT admirable or desired. In my small, Jane Average journey toward health, the “no pain, no gain” approach has been kicked closer to the curb. For stubborn adults like myself, a mental shift to seek pleasure in exercise used to have me raising an eyebrow and focusing on the fractious negatives. “It will be so haaarrrd!” “I won’t be able to walk for a week after all that leg work!” “Whyyyyyyy do I have to swim today?!” 

Repeatedly testing my coach’s patience gets me a raised eyebrow and beady stare, and then a good laugh. One day, she looked at me and said: “You know you don’t have to do ALL the reps in a set, right? Start with fewer (in correct form) and slowly build from there. You should still be able to move easily in the days following workouts, not be so sore that you can’t. It’s the effects over time that matter.” My head exploded. This never occurred to me as an exacting rule-follower. I’d always believed that, in order to be successful, I had to complete everything tossed my way. And while this all-or-nothing mindset has made me proficient in many things, knowing when to ease up in order to freely move forward does seem to make sense. My coach helps untwist the snarl in my melon and through her tutelage, I now focus on joy, gratitude, and respect for how far I have come. Now, slow is the new fast for me. While most people race to the finish line, I mindfully amble.

Many folks have heard me offer, not always jokingly, “It’s not easy being me.” It’s true. And it’s also true that I have made a conscious effort to chip away at the prison walls of my former mindset. The perfectionist grip on my life is loosening, one foible at a time. A whole new world of fun awaits; a world I’ve had the pleasure of sampling over the past few years as I embrace greater mental freedom. Hopefully, sharing my journey helps other compulsive adult-onset athletes begin or continue their own. 

During a recent training session, my coach and I even discussed rediscovering the pleasure with movement, and then anchoring that positive feeling in my head by doing the activity as often as possible. Now, every time I push off the wall in the pool I hang on to my initial thought: “Oh my GOSH this feels so wonderful!”

Approaching the finish line of that half-marathon was, dare I say, enjoyable. At mile twelve, aside from the satisfaction of reaching a goal and the gratitude of running in honor of a dear friend, I felt so physically good that I looked upward and uttered a prayer of thanks.