The Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come

Here’s this week’s reflection. I hope it resonates with you and ask that, if you enjoyed, please comment and share on your social media. Heartfelt thanks for all your support!

Keeping the light on for you,

Carol

“BAH, HUMBUG!” Dad would always mutter this time of year. He loved Ebenezer Scrooge, most notably the fictitious one’s cantankerous disdain of Christmas. Dad grew to despise the excessive hullaballoo of yuletide; a simple farm boy who happened to fall in love with a city slicker wife shamelessly used to generous gifting. Three kids came along, with an Alps-worthy annual avalanche of holiday gifts. As a kid, I was frequently confused as to why my father would abhor such abundance. After all, we were having a blast in the delightful sea of surprises and shredded wrapping paper.  

It would be years before I would truly understand his unhappiness.

Several years into the sandwich generation of caring for aging parents along with our own small children, my Christmas spirit took a rapid sleigh ride to the bottom of the not-so-festive dumpster of unrealistic expectations. The blizzard of caregiving, seasonal social commitments, shopping, preparation, and overeating had sucked me in; its dizzying spin subterfuge for providing “the most wonderful time of the year” to everyone around me. 

My fun meter hit zero. I was simply going through the motions and found no comfort in the biblical reason for the season, only more guilt that I had possibly even failed my Christian roots. Exasperated, I revisited the nativity of my childhood. Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus clearly didn’t need much. They had each other. They had hope. They didn’t need “stuff.”  So why have we, in this modern world, turned this yearly event into such a debacle of time and money? And doesn’t the rest of the year matter in supporting our human kin, practicing forgiveness, and offering kindness? 

December has become overwhelming for most, and downright heart wrenching for many. The Retail Beast  feeds on all-things-Xmas, which is why we see its long tentacles as early as August (I’m looking at you, craft supply stores). People sadly overspend to ensure “a good Christmas” for those they love and support. While festive, the decking of halls and homes –only to be put back in place for the other 11/12 of the year– can be exhausting. Extreme calorie consumption and other “traditions” are often painfully adhered to, even if out of sync with current realities or preferences. Finally, the latest statistics on how much holiday refuse ends up in our landfills is as sobering as a visit from the Grim Reaper himself.

To be fair, my parents conjured quite a bit of sparkling yule dust for my brothers and me, complete with great stories to tell. But it came at a sobering cost to their bank account and energy levels. It’s no wonder Dad morphed into the humbuggiest of humbugs.  

While I had not accumulated the seasonal debt my parents did, I knew my perfectionist tendencies needed to buy into a more restorative, not to mention sustainable, way to celebrate the season. The turning point came at the physical nadir of emotional exhaustion, prompting a deep dive to the bottom of that stinky, Scroogey dumpster in order to rekindle what was hopefully still smoldering somewhere, help this daughter of Dad-Scrooge see the light again, and put Mr. HUMBUG to bed with visions of fat geese in his head for a change.

Despite one’s faith or lack thereof, it is important to question what we accept as indispensable for “the perfect celebration.” Identifying our family’s current non-negotiables for the season was my generation’s first step toward joyful freedom. The rest of the outdated “traditional” doings got scrapped in favor of what suited our family right here and now. Did we ruffle some ugly sweaters? Sure. Did we start uncomfortable conversations about past, often excessive expectations? Absolutely. But we better protected our sanity and, most important, our bandwidth for spreading kindness to others who had a more difficult year. 

The pursuit of less, in both scheduling and purchasing during this time of year, has been critical to our well-being as a family. It all started out of exhaustion and the ability to finally utter a resounding NO. Unlike my poor dad, Scrooge finally admitted he would no longer tolerate his past; that he would focus on spreading kindness and soak in the joy that results. We too, regardless of how curmudgeonly we get, are capable of such a feat.

By the time this post reaches you, the coveted highlight of the year for many will have passed. I encourage you to reflect on how it all schussed along, and to ponder how you’re currently getting on. Are you exhausted or are you filled with peace and optimism for the coming year? Are you feeling the weighty chains of the past, or are you feeling unshackled? My desire is that, in some small way, you were able to set a few limits to protect what mattered most. And if not, that you were able to identify some areas of improvement without the bony finger of a cranky spirit. 

Less really is more; the deliberate removal of things not serving us to make room for those that do. Like Ebenezer, it may take a few “hauntings” to free us to spread joy and optimism with reckless abandon. Let us take heed. Freedom awaits.

May you all have a fulfilling holiday season and an enlightened New Year, and may God bless us, every one!