This was originally written in August 2018 – as my daughters prepared for their senior year in high school. Travel vicariously with us – even if it is in past tense.
Keeping the light on for you,
Carol
Another dose of caffeine seeps into my bloodstream while my teenage chauffeur drives. Heading home from a two-week, five-state college tour blitz with my twin daughters, I feel the road weariness, the bloat from vacation dining, and the weight of parental concern for two young ladies leaving the nest. Amid their seismic eye rolls and outsized self-assurance, I pray that some semblance of personal safety has embedded itself in their consciousness as the miles click past and the conversation flows.
Despite the fatigue factor, this trip was a gift. Just us girls, an open road and (hopefully) open minds… along with ice cream, Starbucks, barbecue, a triathlon, and a visit with extended family. (We may be overachievers.)
As all parents of soon-to-be high school seniors know, this will be one of the few remaining times when on we can all still be together. SIGH. A trip seemingly (wonderfully) far longer than its two scheduled weeks.
As life would have it, there were a few GPS boondoggles and arguments with Siri, a few near-miss walking collisions from fervent onlookers, a handful of disagreements between two teenage girls, and one menopausal mom. We laughed … A LOT. And at the end of each day, we reflected over mocktails and wine and discussed a few practical and metaphorical lessons.
Feet First
Yes, it was an epiphany for me to finally wear sensible footwear on campus walking tours. While fashion habitually trumped practicality, decision fatigue prompted my preference for comfort this time around. Feeling grounded on so many levels, I was free to trek all over campus in physical solace and contemplate critical issues such as: “Tuition is HOW MUCH per year?! Does that include drinking water?”
It was wonderful to be back at school, this time with a larger bank account, asking questions my kids deemed completely embarrassing as I morphed freakishly into my parents.
The sandals I sported were everywhere on campus. Once home, I immediately ordered a second pair in red. And a third pair in silver. You only live once.
Everyone’s A Critic
Educational choices are overwhelming. So are opinions on those choices. Opinions are like rear ends: everybody has one. After touring private and state institutions of higher learning, our vibe was decidedly a state thang. Balancing our kid’s KIDness and our checkbook’s USness is one way we have found to balance the head with the heart.
Sprinkles On Top
Treats came literally and figuratively along the way. Life is better with sprinkles on top and tough times call for tough measures. Despite our sugar binges, our brains still functioned and our shoes always fit no matter how often we indulged. All that campus-tour walking burned off the extra treats anyway. I am happy to report no desserts were skipped during this trip.
A very sweet treat awaited us as part of room rate at one hotel: entry to the Big Ten university’s pool and fitness center. Since I had a triathlon coming up and my daughters were too embarrassed to go with me, I left them behind and enjoyed the fun and motivation. Working out with college students was a giant butt kick up Maslow’s hierarchy to the pinnacle of my delusional self-actualization pyramid! For a few hours I felt like an athletic rock star, that is, until my gray hair fell into my eyes and my Garmin alarmed my heart rate was too high. The coolest thing was that nobody noticed me. I was temporarily one of them. Back in college. And back in comfy sandals to go to dinner.
Another stop along our route was with extended family we had not seen for a while. Time, laughter, and fabulous southern food, all enjoyed in the company of loved ones, was delicious on so many levels.
A mid-trip sprint triathlon provided a micro-vacation for the whole family. My sherpa hubby met us at the event, having hauled my gear to the venue and then back home to be washed, so we girls could now head east on phase two of the college tour blitz.
Head Space Is Not Dead Space
Despite the chaos surrounding our family prior to any departure, I always look forward to the clarity and mental space the open road provides. These trips reinforce who we really are and what we value without the intrusions of life’s daily annoyances. I always learn something new or, in my menopausal state, rediscover something I once already knew. Menopause brain is like a percolator: things rise to the surface, descend into oblivion, then bubble up again. Not exactly when I need them to but … sometimes I get lucky.
My girls and I got to experience our future selves and catch a glimpse of what our family unit would soon look like. My husband and I will now be empty nesters. Are we sad? No. Will we miss our girls? Of course. But we are also thrilled for them in this new chapter of growth and independence The context of who we were as a family, our values, and willingness to embrace change will no doubt be a soothing salve as we help our children fly the nest.
Once home, my shoe collection got an overhaul, as did my priority list. This senior year will be a “year of lasts.” Last homecoming. Last prom. Last seasons of adolescent sports. And the last contact with academic friends who will pursue different trajectories than ours. To fully receive those tender, final gifts of this phase with an open heart, I endeavor to only wear the comfy shoes, walk solidly, and look for, enjoy, and reflect on all the treats that come my way.
I can so relate to so many of your writings. The journey through life definitely can be full of many twists and turns, some that can leave you shaking your head and shedding a few tears. Others can leave you in awe of yourself , and saying ” did I just do that”?. My 70th birthday is right around the corner, and I find myself doing a lot of reflecting. Our oldest grandson is 17 today, and looking forward to his senior year of high-school. Our youngest granddaughter starts kindergarten this year. The twists and turns continue. Once again, thank you .
You are most welcome Sue! And thank you for reading!
So relatable in so many ways, but hitting just a little too close to home. Still clinging desperately to the denial that my girls will soon be leaving the nest. My oldest is only a sophomore; we still have time, right?! But like any big milestone, I’ve learned from little on that the next adventure tends to be just as fun. Again, thanks for sharing your journeys. -Julie
PS Taos is my go-to chic middle age comfort shoe brand 😉
Thank you, Julie for reading, and yes, a bittersweet journey for sure but also a ton of fun. It has been a hoot to visit them on campus! Thanks for the shoe rec – I have worn Taos too!!