Charm Bracelet

This piece was originally composed in April 2010. My mother had passed and I pulled her bracelet from the depths of my jewelry box determined to clean and wear it, honoring not just her memory, but her. Since then I wear her bracelet regularly with joyful abandon and it now resides in a place of honor on my dresser in a beautifully embroidered satin box. Every time I see the now-shiny charms on my wrist I remember that contemplative day in the car when I rediscovered Mom’s youthful sparkle.

Leaving the light on for you,

Carol

Spring gradually unfolds outside my car window as the road and the miles gently whiz on by. I watch my private, time-lapsed arrival of the new season as we head further and further south. Dogwood and redbud blossoms float gently amid the soft brown haze of branches pregnant with buds. While viewing the scenery, I also lovingly polish the silver charms on my mother’s charm bracelet – a last minute inclusion to my trip wardrobe.

As I polish each little snapshot of the past, I’m reminded of nature’s guaranteed seasonal renewal. Life is beginning to bloom again for me too, albeit a new normal, sans Mom. Mom passed away nine months ago. Like a long winter, the dimness of grief eventually lifts to reveal, with sparkling clarity, a life beautifully lived.

Mom’s bracelet mirrors so many life events – vacations, birthdays, anniversaries, friendships, the love of family, a devoted spouse. It also hints at a favorite color, pale aqua blue. The tinkling of the charms reminds me of the woman who loved parties. Mom was a veteran hostess who made every guest feel welcomed, important, and loved.

These charms, acquired during my childhood, help me revisit Mom’s younger self. So many of her later years were spent in illness, the only version of her my girls have ever known. To be able to pause and celebrate those younger days when Mom was a healthy, energetic (sometimes frenetic) working mother like myself is both liberating and reassuring. She lived it, got through it, and I will too. 

Even in illness, Mom’s attitude remained positive as did her love for all things beautiful – her faith, family, friends, and surroundings. She loved even when the charms of life became tarnished with disappointments. Mom always quietly persevered, hopeful for resolution and a return to loving peace.

As egocentric youth, my siblings and I criticized her for “not wanting to make waves” when our generation encouraged us to speak freely, if not tactlessly. In retrospect, Mom’s quietude was one of her greatest strengths. We also criticized her for “living a fantasy” when in fact she simply tried to carry beauty with her in an unforgiving world. She was always able to see and cherish beauty in ways large and small.

Since her death, I wonder if I am just glossing over the dysfunctions of the past or finally seeing a larger picture. I believe a bit of the former, but mostly the latter. It was only through later conversations with her in my adult years that I came to discover, understand, and appreciate her true depth.

I too love beautiful things like Mom did. I strive to make my own multifaceted reality calm and resplendent, adding charms to my unique bracelet of life as I live through parenthood, the sandwich generation, and the aging process. I hope my fashionable history lesson will be lovingly cared for by my daughters in years to come. It is my wish that they, too, will spend some time polishing the past with its many charms – especially those with my favorite color, just like Mom’s, pale aqua blue.